Dark Lords just want to have fun
by tabunsutekidane
Summary: Voldemort is bored. He wants to have fun. He goes out to find new means to torture his followers. Crack!


Disclaimer: I love Harry Potter but it´s not mine. Neither are the lyrics of Aqua.

**Dark Lords just want to have fun**

Voldemort was bored out of his mind and decided to go out in the muggel world to have some fun. He wanted to find a more gruesome way to torture his death eaters to make sure they didn't forget that he was the most evil living dark lord on the planet.

He apparated to an allay near a muggel disco for people over 30. He went in to have a drink and to find entertainment for the next death eater meeting. The disco was full of people in their late thirties who were talking and moving to the rhythm of the music. The disco had a red glow and a sparkling mirror ball on the left side over the dance floor. On the right side was the bar. The Dark Lord´s next destination.

"What do you want to drink?" the bartender asked in a bored voice.

The Dark Lord eyed the bartender warily and determined if he should torture him for his rather rude behavior but he thought even a Dark Lord deserved to have some fun without having to fullfil the duty of being evil. Therefore he asked for a firewhisky. The bartender rolled his eyes at the Dark Lord.

"We´ve only the drinks on the cart. Can´t you read?" he said annoyed.

How dared this muggle to talk to him like that. Voldemort glared at him in Snape fashion and said in a menacing tone, after glancing at the cart. "Then I will take a cosmopolitan."

The bartender snorted at the Dark Lord's menacing tone, while ordering a girly drink and went to prepare said drink while Voldemort continued to glare.

A new song began to play and the Dark Lord sipped happy his cosmopolitan. He listen to the song and his red eyes gleamed. He had a brilliant idea for the next death eater meeting and it would be a fitting punishment for one blond and a nice treat for a dark haired follower.

~*~

The next night the Dark Lord summoned his death eaters for a special occasion. There were many rumors what his reason was to summon them but nobody guessed right. The meeting began with the normal procedure reports and etc...

Then the Dark Lord beckoned Snape forward and there was a hurl of a pleased Belatrix who cried "The traitor is finally going to suffer."

"Shut up, woman and try for a more original exclamation." The Dark Lord hissed angered and then pouted. "Your ruining the good mood." A few death eater giggled in the back ground. Voldemort cleared his throat.

"Well, my dear Severus would you do me the honor and assist me in a punishment today." The Dark Lord asked in a sickly sweet voice. Severus bowed and replied."It would honor me to be of your assistance my Lord." Severus mind was raising with questions. What had he done? Was he suspected being a spy? Was this a test to prove his alliance? Did he know of the plan of the light?

Voldemort stood up from his throne and walked in the circle formed by the death eaters. He would soon be singling his victim out and his victim would suffer through his new found punishment.

"Wormtale!" Voldemort called and the short ugly man ran to his master transporting a CD-player. He bowed and put the CD-player next to his master awaiting further orders.

"Very Good." Voldemort said pleased an evil grin spreading over his snakelike features. His eyes were piercing his followers one by one. Then he turned abruptly to Severus.

"Lucius!" Voldemort bellowed sharing a look with Severus which conveyed that he would enjoy the following procedure. Severus smirked to answer the meaningful look telling he had understood.

Lucius regarded the exchange between his Dark Lord and the dark potion master warily. He didn't like it when his Dark Lord had this excited mood and sparkling gleam in his eyes.

_Creepy. Just like Dumbledore._ Lucius nearly snorted at the thought and had to compose his features while bowing to Voldemort. When Lucius looked in Voldemort´s eyes he began to worry. He knew he´d be the evening entertainment and he didn't like it at all. He wondered what kind of torture his master had stored for him. The only thing Lucius was sure of was that he wouldn't beg. He was a man of honor and would take his punishment with dignity. He wouldn't disgrace the Malfoy name. Never.

Voldemort continued to scrunitize Lucius and began to circle his loyal follower. He observed Lucius' aristocratic air and the dignity he projected to the persons sourounding him. In this moment Voldemort knew his punishment was perfect, it would be humiliating and would bother Malfoy more than ten rounds of cruciatus could.

Voldemort wanted everything to be perfect therefore he still needed to make a few adjustments. He took out his wand and everyone held his breath, when he had finished nobody dared to make a sound. The Dark Lord turned around, conjured a stool and indicated to Severus to sit down, then he handed him a parchment with text. Or as Severus determined after a closer look: lyric.

"Start the music,Wormtail!" Voldemort bellowed, before he took his seat to observe his new punishment.

Severus began the first part in his baritone voice._"Hi Barbie."_

He was hard pressed not to grin at Lucius furious expression and had to give the Dark Lord credit for his meticulous work. His transfiguration skill and charm work certainly weren't rusty. The short pink dress clung to Lucius body and had the same color as his lip-gloss and nail-polish. His hair had been caught in a ponytail and he was even wearing really uncomfortable looking high heels.

Severus could see Lucius gritting his teeth. But Lucius was nor longer master over his body while his mind was there, the compulsion Voldemort had put on didn't leave him a choice but to sing in an overexcited voice.

"_Hi Severus!"_

"_Do you wanna go for a ride?" _Severus continued dutifully.

"_Sure again!" _Lucius jumped and clapped while a grimace crossed his features.

"_Jump In..." _Severus commanded and Lucius was compelled to straddle his lap.

Lucius sang in an high voice._"I'm a barbie girl," He pointed at himself " in a barbie world "_ His arms shot up obviously trying to indicate the whole world._"Life in plastic, it's fantastic" ,_Lucius grinned like a maniac while his eyes glared into Severus'. He took both of Severus hands and put one into his hair while the other rested on his hip and continued to sing,_"you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere. Imagination, life is your creation."_

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party!" _Severus sang and chuckled mentally, when Lucius again gesticulated ridiculously to the text.

"_I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation"_

Lucius stood up and turned around to the crowd of guffawing Death Eaters. He swayed to the music and his hands explored his body while he continued with his text.

"_I'm a blond bimbo girl, in a fantasy world. Dress me up, make it tight," He looked into Severus eyes." I'm your dolly"_

_Severus control broke he sang with a grin on his face._

"_You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,..." _Severus stood up to Lucius and Severus' finger traced his dress, while he leered._ "kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky..." _

"_You can touch, you can play, if you say: 'I'm always yours'" Lucius really wanted to hit Snape's grin of his face but could only push him back on his seat to again straddle his lap and begin his ridiculously choreographic. _

"_I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere Imagination, life is your creation"_

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party!"_

"_Ah-ah-ah-yeah"_

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party! "_

"_uu-oooh-u"_

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party!" _

"_Ah-ah-ah-yeah"_

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party!" _

"_uu-ooohuu-uohu"_

_Lucius stood up and circled Snape while he sang."Make me walk, make me talk," He bend down to say into Severus ear." do whatever you please" He stood in front of Snape." I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees" _Lucius feel on his knees.

Severuscouldn't deny that he liked the sight and remorseful sang the command that made Lucius straddle his lap.

"_Come jump in, bimbo friend, let us do it again,  
hit the town, fool around, let's go party"_

_Lucius began to wriggle in his lap and urged Severus hands to roam over his body._

"_You can touch, you can play, if you say: 'I'm always yours'  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: 'I'm always yours'"_

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party!"_

"_Ah-ah-ah-yeah"_

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party! "_

"_uu-oooh-u"_

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party!" _

"_Ah-ah-ah-yeah"_

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party!" _

"_uu-ooohuu-uohu_

_I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere Imagination, life is your creation_

_I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere Imagination, life is your creation"_

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party!"_

"_Ah-ah-ah-yeah"_

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party! "_

"_uu-oooh-u"_

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party!" _

"_Ah-ah-ah-yeah"_

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party!" _

"_uu-ooohuu-uohu"_

Lucius threw his arms around Severus neck_. "Oh, I'm having so much fun!"_

"_Well Barbie, we're just getting started." _Severus winked at Lucius.

"_Oh, I love you Severus!" _Lucius exclaimed, rushing with such a force to hug Severus that they overbalanced the stool and landed on the floor. Once the music finished, Lucius was free again. He scrabbled away from the laughing potion master who stayed sitting on the ground.

Lucius face was red in embarrassment and rage. Everybody was laughing and he was still in his pink garments which he couldn't change back to his normal clothes. He turned around to his laughing master who had humiliated him with muggle music. Their eyes meet and Severus blinked when the blond aristrocrat raised his wand and spoke.

"Avada Kedavra" Lucius spoke coldly, before aparating away in a huff.

Voldemort's last thought was "I just wanted a little bit fun."

The order had to give Severus a calming draught before he was able to tell them of Voldemort's demise without breaking out into uncontrolled laughter. Barbie girl came into the history books as the secret weapon against evil Dark Lords. Nobody dared to approach Lucius concerning his defeat of the Dark Lord.

_----------------_

I'm not liable for making you lose brain cells.


End file.
